he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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