420 ftw
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
