Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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