Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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