i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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