I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
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There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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