She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How does one acquire holy water?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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