is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.