I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
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My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up