Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar