we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.