Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work