Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
honey bunches of taint.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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