whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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