Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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