Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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