i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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