one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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