this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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