apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
my poor anus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
