So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
