i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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