you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
