wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
