i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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