THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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