the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
