Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
