Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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