Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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