I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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