i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
