ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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