My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize