This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
