im about as happy as oj after his trial
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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