Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
