I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
