Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
