Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
