It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
