i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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