I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
