I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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