He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Text me some of your sweat
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
