My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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