my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
