How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
