Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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