pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
