You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
