ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
