Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
