Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
