I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize