she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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