I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
