Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
