He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
