our cab driver is having phone sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
