party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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