Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
