I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
