shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
