Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
