He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
