If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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